dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
false alarm. still invincible.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
