if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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