Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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