i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
