Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
