I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
