Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
