if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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