Just cropdusted the office
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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