your room smells of hookers.
And success
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
