So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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