my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
