Pappa wants mamma naked
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
