i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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