Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
