Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
His nipple licking is glorious
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