if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
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Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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