she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
