It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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