We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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