i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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