so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
