I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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