He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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