i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
