i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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