You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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