I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
