How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
