Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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