my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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