my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
