Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
