I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
