If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ketchup is God's man juice
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
