I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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