I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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