i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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