She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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