i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
