so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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