i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
