i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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