never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
