i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
