Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
