And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
