so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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