I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just pee around me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
