Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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