I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
