I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
