i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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