Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
