I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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