How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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