Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
