you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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