There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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