Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
