I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
