Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
