the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
