Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you win again, gameday.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
