drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
