just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
