did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
