She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You're like the curious george of whores
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
