i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
