You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
