I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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