You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
