the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
