I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
