how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's always time for handjobs
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
