I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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