i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think i have herpe
just one?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
