Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
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There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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