I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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