even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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