I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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