we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
