this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
